What you aren’t saying…

The words you use are only 20% of the total message.  Think about that. What you don’t say can be up to 80% of the message you send. Your non-verbal communication can totally override the verbal message.  I’m sure you’ve noticed someone who was saying “Yes,” but their posture, their eyes, their face, their tone  -- all said, “NO!” 

I try to keep that in mind. I think about what my expression on my face might be saying, so I remember to smile.  (If I don’t smile,people ask what’s wrong.  Either I smile a lot, or my neutral facial expression is a grimace!)

Let’s take a look at some of the many non-verbal cues you may be giving:

Body posture           

            Leaning forward or back?

            Arms or legs crossed?

            Head tilted, nodding, shaking?

            Hands fidgeting, tense, or relaxed?

            Shoulders  - up and tight, down and relaxed, forward, or back?

Facial expressions

            Eyes – you  may smile with your lips, but your eyes may tell another story

            Eyes –where are you looking?

            Mouth –enough said!

            Forehead –wrinkled up?

Voice

            Tone – what emotion is coming through your tone?

            Volume –loud or soft?

            Pitch – high or low?  Your pitch goes up when you are stressed.

On an interesting note –studies on eye movement show that the eyes look in a direction based on what brain function is going on. For instance, recalling a memory may be up and to the left while creating a lie is up and to the right.  (Some studies indicate that the direction is based on the dominant side of the brain and your dominant hand.)   

Until next time –find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life,career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com