Modeling and Sharing

When we talk to other people, we typically have an understanding that they are following the same rules of communication that we follow.   If that isn’t happening,confusion and miscommunication are the result. It’s a lot like driving: we assume everyone is following the same rules.If that doesn’t happen, bad things, man!

Bad things!

When we talk to our children, we need to realize that we are their role models of appropriate and effective communication.  Think about the teens and twenty-somethings you’ve run into in retail shops.   I bet that you’ve thought to yourself more than once that they sure could use some proper communication skills – they are still learning communication skills as they continue growing into adulthood.  And they need good modeling.

So...is your communication appropriate and effective?

Children will do as we do, not as we say.  If you want you want a respectful  conversation, model respect.  If you want“please” and “thank you,” then model “please” and “thank you” in your daily conversations.   I don’t harp on my daughter to say these things anymore; I say them to her and to anyone else. 

If you want your child to share with you, consider sharing with them.  Model the type of information you would like from them.  If you are excited about something, share with them.  If you have had a bad day, share with them –share the events AND your feelings.  If you are sad or worried, you can share that with your children, too. (You can leave out nitty-gritty details that they don’t need to know.)

By sharing your own experiences, your children understand what you deal with as an adult, how you handle tough situations, and how you work through your feelings. In turn, they learn how to behave in similar situations and to share with you.

You’ve got to give a little to get a little.

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com