Better Questions, Better Conversations

As I wrote in my last article, “Don’t Grill, Engage,” if you want better answers, you must ask better questions.  Start with the end in mind.  Think about the kind of answers and information you want, and craft a question that will lead to your goal.

Am I getting something meaningful with a question like, “How was your day?”   NOPE!  I’m asking my daughter a question that can be answered in one word.  If I want more from her, I have to frame a question that will elicit the kind of answer I am looking for.

The best question I ever asked my daughter was, “What was great about today?”  After she recovered from her surprise, she gave me a real answer.  (“Lunch!”  -- followed by the whole story.)

During my coaching training, one of the most practical activities I was asked to do was to create a list of questions I could ask my clients during coaching sessions.   All other coaches were asked to do the same, and at the end of the course, the questions were compiled and distributed to all participants.  I have that list posted on my wall in my office.   I review it before every client coaching call.

That is your mission today.   I want you to sit down and think of questions to ask your child during casual conversations.  These are new questions to put into your conversation bag of tricks.  Just like new vocabulary words, you have to consciously make them a part of discussions.  Make a list and go over those questions daily or every few days until they become a part of your normal conversation. 

Examples:

What was the best part of your day today?

What happened in  ____ class today?

What was great/funny/frustrating?

How can I help you?

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

My best,

Tess Haranda

CMS North – 6^th Language Arts

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com