I've done it! I've jumped in with both feet, just as I said I would.    I've entered a contest to get a book published.  There are so many amazing authors with ideas and books, over 2500, in fact.

Go to nexttopauthor.com

You can search by my last name, Haranda, or by my Author ID - 2465.

Stay tuned for more updates on the contest, and as always, more articles for your benefit!

My best,
Tess

Jumping in with Both Feet

 

Every once in a while, I take a really big leap of faith. I jump into something with both  feet and make a commitment to a wildly new experience.  

 

Twenty years ago, I entered a beauty pageant: The Irish Rose of Tralee.   All my life, I had felt like an ugly duckling, but when I was asked to enter by the coordinator, I jumped in withboth feet.  I didn’t win.  Winning wasn’t even my ultimate goal.  I was just thrilled to be part of it all, and I had a great time.

 

Somewhere in my closet, I may still have that Kelly green dress, a strapless vision of Kelly green with a regal train.  I’ve given my daughter the jewelry. Today, I have proud memories of trying something out of my comfort zone. 

 

About 10years ago, I raced in an Adventure Race. The race was composed of a 3-mile trail-running leg, a canoe leg, a 7-mile mountain bike trail leg, and a mystery event, which turned out to be crawling through a lake water mud pit under a layer of rebar.   My goal was to finish and finish in less  than the 4 hour cut-off.  I’m no athlete;I’m just very determined.

 

The first leg was the running.  Let me tell you – my teammate and I were last in that leg. Way last.   Way, way last.  I’m just not fast.  We were going when everyone else was coming back.  We were so far behind that they sent an all-terrain vehicle to make sure we were ok.

 

For the  second leg, I headed our canoe straight into all of the on-coming boats.   I didn’t miss the irony that the boats parted for us like the Red Sea.  We actually passed several canoes that had been up to 10 minutes ahead of us and returned to shore for the pit and the mountain bike leg.  

 

We finished in 3 hours and 40 minutes…. 20 minutes ahead of that 4-hour limit.  And, we were not last.   I was happy and had a great time.

 

This week, I have entered a writing contest much like American Idol.  Authors from around the globe compete in 4rounds to pitch their book ideas and give voters little tidbits to read.  Voters will keep us alive in the competition to ultimately win help in publishing our books.

 

Why am I telling you this?  Because you can jump in with two feet, too.  Whatever it is that beckons out just out of your reach like the rope that hangs off a tree on the banks of a lazy river, if you just jump you might catch the rope.  If you miss the rope, you still get to enjoy the water and have a great time.  It’s better than standing on the banks.

 

 

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

 

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com

 

Spring Forward, Fall Back

 

March is upon us. Spring is unfolding around us….well, it will be as soon as we are quite done with our last snow storm. Spring forward,fall back is the perfect play on words for this article.   The original title was “Step Forward, Look Back.”  

 

A very common strategy for envisioning a goal is to use your imagination to put yourself in the future one week and look back at what   you want to have accomplished during those 7 days.  What do you see? List your successes.   How do you feel as you look at the week?  It’s empowering!

 

Come back to the present and map out how you can accomplish your vision of the week. You’ve already seen it, so just put it into place.

 

Another way of looking back and forth is to try the following:

 

Look back at what you actually accomplished in the last week, the last month, and the last year. Did you do some spectacular things or how about all of those smaller things that have been on your mind for a while? What can you proud of?  What made this last week/month/year more significant than others in the past? 

 

Now, look forward – what can you do to make this next week/month/year more amazing than ever?

 

 

 

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

 

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com

 

 

Love Languages

 

 

What is your love language?   Did I get your attention with that question?  I think it’s an appropriate topic. After all, it’s February, the month associated with love.

 

Dr.Gary Chapman, marriage counselor and author of best selling The 5 Love Languages, identified five primary ways that people express and interpret love. (www.5lovelanguages.com)   Those “languages” are

 

·        Words  of Affirmation

·        Quality Time

·        Receiving Gifts

·        Acts of Service

·        Physical Touch

 

We are beings who require connections with others; communication is connecting, and these “languages” are communication methods. I won’t delve into details about each love language because for our purposes in this article, they seem fairly clear. Dr. Chapman is the expert,and he has books and workshops galore for your knowledge-gathering pleasure.

 

I want to pose more questions for you to ponder based on the love languages.

 

·        Which one of those languages appeals to you most? Expressing love to others and receiving love from others might be conveyed through very different languages for you.  In what way to you give?  What do you wish to receive?

 

·        Can you identify the love languages of your family members?  Look at your children.  What do they really want from you?  Loving words? Time? Gifts – ok, they all want gifts. Do they feel a heart-felt connection through the gifts?  Things you do for them?  Hugs and reassuring pats?

 

I tell my students I want to give them as many tools for their writing tool boxes as I can.  In my columns, I want to give you tools for your life toolbox.

 

 

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

 

My  best,

TessHaranda

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com

 

Goal Setting

 

Whether or not you write New Year’s resolutions, our society values achievement.  Great achievements are accomplished by setting goals.  For children, learning to set and accomplish goals are skills that carry into adulthood.  

 

There are many books, experts, websites, and opinions on goal-setting.  People who set a fitness goal often hire a personal trainer; people who set career or life goals hire a coach.  A search on the Internet for “goals” will return thousands of results.

 

One strategy for goal development and achievement is SMART.  Goals must be

Specific – write them out clearly and exact
Measurable–the end result must be written so that you can measure your success
Attainable –the goal must be within reach!
Realistic  - ditto!!
Timely – put a deadline on the goal or it will only end up as a dream never realized.  Many people find it helpful to break down the goal into small tasks and assign due dates to the tasks. 

 

Sometimes, Ijust think of my end result.   Rememberthe article about asking questions?  Iuse questions to achieve my goals. 

 

1. What do I want?
2. When do I want to have it?
3. What are the steps required between here and there?
4. What do I need to do next?

 

Several years ago, my big goal was buying my first home. It was a huge goal for me, and I was unfamiliar with the process. Everyday I would ask, “What do I do next?”  Then, I would just focus on doing that one task.  It made a big and scary goal much easier.

 

This year make some personal goals, help your child with setting a goal, and set a family goal.   Plan out your execution carefully and enjoy success!

 

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

 

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com

 

 

What you aren’t saying…

 

The words you use are only 20% of the total message.  Think about that. What you don’t say can be up to 80% of the message you send. Your non-verbal communication can totally override the verbal message.  I’m sure you’ve noticed someone who was saying “Yes,” but their posture, their eyes, their face, their tone  -- all said, “NO!” 

 

I try to keep that in mind. I think about what my expression on my face might be saying, so I remember to smile.  (If I don’t smile,people ask what’s wrong.  Either I smile a lot, or my neutral facial expression is a grimace!)

 

Let’s take a look at some of the many non-verbal cues you may be giving:

 

Body posture           

            Leaning forward or back?

            Arms or legs crossed?

            Head tilted, nodding, shaking?

            Hands fidgeting, tense, or relaxed?

            Shoulders  - up and tight, down and relaxed, forward, or back?

 

Facial expressions

            Eyes – you  may smile with your lips, but your eyes may tell another story

            Eyes –where are you looking?

            Mouth –enough said!

            Forehead –wrinkled up?

 

Voice

            Tone – what emotion is coming through your tone?

            Volume –loud or soft?

            Pitch – high or low?  Your pitch goes up when you are stressed.

           

On an interesting note –studies on eye movement show that the eyes look in a direction based on what brain function is going on. For instance, recalling a memory may be up and to the left while creating a lie is up and to the right.  (Some studies indicate that the direction is based on the dominant side of the brain and your dominant hand.)   

 

Until next time –find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

 

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life,career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com

Modeling and Sharing

 

When we talk to other people, we typically have an understanding that they are following the same rules of communication that we follow.   If that isn’t happening,confusion and miscommunication are the result. It’s a lot like driving: we assume everyone is following the same rules.If that doesn’t happen, bad things, man!

 

Bad things!

 

When we talk to our children, we need to realize that we are their role models of appropriate and effective communication.  Think about the teens and twenty-somethings you’ve run into in retail shops.   I bet that you’ve thought to yourself more than once that they sure could use some proper communication skills – they are still learning communication skills as they continue growing into adulthood.  And they need good modeling.

 

So...is your communication appropriate and effective?

 

Children will do as we do, not as we say.  If you want you want a respectful  conversation, model respect.  If you want“please” and “thank you,” then model “please” and “thank you” in your daily conversations.   I don’t harp on my daughter to say these things anymore; I say them to her and to anyone else. 

 

If you want your child to share with you, consider sharing with them.  Model the type of information you would like from them.  If you are excited about something, share with them.  If you have had a bad day, share with them –share the events AND your feelings.  If you are sad or worried, you can share that with your children, too. (You can leave out nitty-gritty details that they don’t need to know.)

 

By sharing your own experiences, your children understand what you deal with as an adult, how you handle tough situations, and how you work through your feelings. In turn, they learn how to behave in similar situations and to share with you.

 

You’ve got to give a little to get a little.

 

Until next time – find a way to show as well as tell your child, “I love you.”

 

My best,

Tess Haranda

Personal life, career, executive coach

www.successwithtess.com

I just jumped in with both feet..... I've entered a competition to get my book published.  It's a little like American Idol for writers--- you pitch the book/ voting, write a little/voting, write more/voting, complete the book/voting. Win and you get help getting it published.   I've had the most amazing, wonderful opportunities in life when I jump in like this.

If you are an author or know an aspiring writer, check out the website:

http://nexttopspiritualauthor.com/competition.cfm

My best,

Tess

I can't believe how time flies.   I've actually been writing up a storm since my last blog. My articles are being published in a local newsletter, and I hope to expand this summer.   I will soon post them all here for you.   I've also been reading and reading and coaching and coaching. 

That's my dream life: reading, writing, and coaching!

Take some time today to think about what you would do if there were no boundaries in your life.  If you could do anything within your dreams, with NO LIMITS, what would you do with your life?    Travel?  Volunteer?  Go back to school?   Make contributions to society?  What are your dreams?


Have fun!!!!


My best,
Tess

What is a coach?   This is an article written about my own mentor.  

http://www.chieftain.com/articles/2009/11/22/life/local/doc4b087c388f7fc039323183.txt

She is a brilliant craftswoman who helps her clients cut the rough gemstones of their lives and polish them into diamonds.